I don't need to spell it out for you, because we all know this: There's seemingly so much criticism and hate online.
Algorithms are programmed to amplify what enrages people, because that's what gets reactions and impressions, therefore it gets traction, is seen by more and more eyeballs, and onward the frenzy goes. More rage bait. More comments, shares, and clicks. More polarization in our feeds. More ad spend. More virality and time spent on platform. It's a terrible and vicious cycle.
The sad part is that, nowadays, it seems like you don't even have to take the action of making a few taps for you to find any of it—eventually, it'll find you.
But does it have to be this way?
A Positivity Practice 🫰
There's a song from the emo era of my youth that I've been thinking about a lot lately. (Although, emo wasn't really just a phase—it's a lifestyle. Those who get it, get it. 🤘) What's been turning over in my mind, specifically, are these lyrics from "Scene Two - Roger Rabbit" by Sleeping With Sirens:
So when you have today
You should say all that you have to say
If I'm remembering right, this is the first song, or among the initial batch, that got me into the band—a group that I've seen live at least seven times. This song has consistently remained a favorite throughout the years.
But what sticks out to me today, again, are those lyrics. They're absolutely Golden Lines. Because there's a lens I've recently been choosing to see them through. It's a perspective that points me to a positivity practice I've been trying to implement every single day.
We've all heard the old maxim, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Well, lately, I've been trying to do the opposite: "If you have something nice to say, say it."
Immediately when a compliment or encouragement pops into your mind, share it. Remove the friction, the overthinking. Just say it, text it, or post it. It also doesn't need to be a monologue! Something short and sweet is usually more than enough, especially to start:
"Your hair looks nice today!"
"Great job on that presentation."
"Those shoes are clean, bro."
Say these things to a stranger, to a friend—to anyone and everyone. Forget about your hesitancies. We need to stop withholding these little kindnesses. Because kindness is healing for everyone involved. It's a core pillar of community. You never know what even the tiniest compliment that you share with someone can do for their day, their week.
Ever since having this practice top of mind, I have yet to get a negative reaction to something nice I've randomly shared with someone. I'm willing to bet that I never will.
This Story Might Encourage You 👏
There's a very recent example that comes to mind. It actually happened last night at the book club I host for residents of my apartment complex. Except this time I was the one receiving the kind words.
See, the book for this month's gathering was This Story Might Save Your Life by Tiffany Crum (which I absolutely recommend, by the way). It's a novel that's a mystery and love story, involving famous podcasters, Joy and Benny, who also act as our two narrators. But right now we're just going to talk about Benny.
Benny is this bearded and talented guy. A sensitive-type in some ways, but also strong. He's a ride or die who's imperfect, yet absolutely someone you're rooting for throughout the wild, page-turner of a story. As you read, you're increasingly hoping that he's one that it all works out for and that he gets his happy ending.
I liked Benny. I found myself both wanting to relate and find similarities, and also aspire to most of his attributes. He's one of those characters that, if TSMSYL were a movie, you'd walk out from the dark of the cinema, inspired and having rendered a new personality matching his.
So it was a welcomed surprise when, lowering a mug of wine, one of my friends looked at me and shared:
"I wasn't going to say this at first, but Benny reminds me a lot of you."
I let her know that I really appreciated the comparison—because I did. So much so that I'm now writing about it. You never know, y'all. Share those simply kind thoughts, even if you're nervous at first or think it'll come off as silly. Again, just say it. It's something I'm reminding myself of and working on doing every single chance I get.
Another little example is that in a recent entry, I announced that I now have a form to collect Cristian's Commonplace reviews from readers like you. I've received a lot of really, really kind and encouraging words. Comments that are extremely motivating. They're letting me know to keep going. Some of them are now posted on the newest subscription page for the newsletter!
Be the Change 🌎
To conclude today's entry, I'll leave you with this: Abraham Joshua Heschel said that "words create worlds." As a writer and overall lover of story, I know and believe this wholeheartedly. I've experienced it.
So, what worlds will your words create?
Friends, no matter how indomitable the task of painting the feeds and spaces with more kindness than negativity may seem, do it anyways. Try. It's a worthy challenge. Worry about what you control, what you share. Online and in the real world, be the light, always. Shape your corners of it with love as much as you can.
And remember to share it all—the comments, the encouragements, the hope—whenever a spark of it ignites in you. Kindness compounds. So it'd be awfully tragic to keep it to yourself, locked inside. Say it while we still have the time to say it, while that person is still around to receive it.
